my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
