I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
