Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
