True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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