I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The struggles of a small town man whore
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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