Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
