his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
