After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Welp...herpes.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
