I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Bring me that man meat
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
