So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
