grandma shit on top of the toilet
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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