I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
