I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
