We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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