And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
