I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
