WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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