matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
