spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
