I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
