i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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