The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
