His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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