the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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