I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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