If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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