WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
