I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
