the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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