Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
