i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Mom said you looked used
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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