My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm like, not good at living.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
