Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
