The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Maybe he injected his testicle?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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