Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
