He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
