I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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