No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
