You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
