i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
