just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Im part way to drunk.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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