we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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