I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You are the jesus of drinking
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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