Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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