Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
