I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
