Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
