For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
