His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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