My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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