he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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