in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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